If you are searching, look within yourself, not on the Internet.

As released by Chiba Prefecture, the occupancy rate of all hospital beds in medical institutions is about to drop below 50%. The wave of infection explosion has already subsided, and COVID-19 infection status will return from Stage IV to Stage III.

I feel that there will be an even more giant sixth wave coming before winter, but perhaps the tides will repeat for the next few years. So, when the state of emergency is lifted in October, I'll finally be able to go out for my cycling hobby. Even in this situation, or perhaps because of this situation, my main concern is cycling.

After the infection explosion occurred at the end of July this year, I gracefully gave up on enjoying my cycling hobby and waited for the coming day.

What I felt in this emergency was that the leader of Chiba Prefecture, who is all about tweeting, was less reliable than I thought. In contrast, the leader of Urayasu City, who does not tweet at all, was more reliable than I thought.

Vaccination against COVID-19 has started nationwide, and the Urayasu City has been swift and mobile in its response.

Very early on, they started making appointments for all possible persons to be vaccinated, not just the elderly.

If there are any cancellations, they immediately start recruiting, vaccinating even at night, and accepting appointments in front of the stations.

Regarding vaccination, the reputation of the citizens towards Urayasu City is excellent.

I've felt this momentum before. It was when the city collapsed due to liquefaction caused by the great earthquake.

At that time, the momentum of the mayor and officials of Urayasu City was tremendous.

This city was a fishing town in the distant past, and many descendants of fishermen work at the city hall. They are indeed fishermen by blood and must be able to make quick decisions in an emergency.

Even now, citizens sometimes remember and appreciate the efforts of Urayasu City during the liquefaction. The citizens will also talk about the response to this vaccination for the next ten years.

Upon hearing of the quick response of Urayasu City, citizens of neighboring Ichikawa City, which lags in vaccinating, have been showering us with complaints and comments of envy.

In general terms, it is said that the politics and administration of a city reflect the state of its citizens.

If the citizens of a city are so short-tempered and plunging, as in Urayasu City, where the city hall, mayor, and city council members feel sorry for themselves, the city will surely change.

Now, in a society moving forward as a big swell, my existence is small. There is no need to pedal a bicycle, knowing that we will not be hospitalized even if we are injured in a state where peacetime medical care is collapsing.

However, losing one of the three pillars of my life - work, home, and hobbies - can be very damaging.

I can see the frustration building up in my head just by looking at my recent record. This blog is just a memorandum of what I felt and thought so that I don't forget.

It may sound fantastic to say that I am keeping a log of my own life. Still, in reality, it is the diary of an older man (OSSAN but not NISSAN in Japanese), and there is no way others would enjoy reading such a thing.

Suppose it is a diary of OSSAN filled with photos of his hobbies, drinking, cooking, and scenery.

In these cases, it may be a fun way to pass the time, but what is the meaning of providing the diary of OSSAN to others?

In addition, I have lost interest in other people's blogs and social networking sites and rarely access them.

I sometimes feel discouraged and wonder if this is the level of society I was trying to protect.

On my morning commute on the train of JR Keiyo Line, I looked out the window when I saw an advertising poster directly above the window.

On the sign, there was a phrase that sounded like self-help as follows.

"If you are searching, look within yourself."

It was an advertisement put out by a church in Nagano Prefecture.

I am not a Christian, but similar phrases are often seen in other religions.

Although the nuance is a little different, in the case of "Zen" Buddhism, I think it is sometimes expressed as "kneading the mind".

Nowadays, with the development of the Internet, we can access a vast amount of information issued by others by searching within the Internet. It is a convenient world, but it has become a tiring world.

Whenever there is time, many people can't be bothered without looking at the information others have released on their smartphones at all hours of the day.

That advertising is probably a message that in a world where change is so significant and exhausting, it is vital to access your mind and face yourself, not the Internet.

Facing myself feels easy, but in reality, it is pretty tricky. It is conversely fatiguing to get stuck in a loop of thoughts and emotions.

We tend to rely on the information others have on the Internet instead of confronting ourselves because it is easier.

Also, in Zen and mindfulness, I understand that it is essential to be in a state of "letting go" of the thoughts and feelings that arise from the subconscious to the conscious.

This condition has the effect of reducing stress by not thinking logically or analytically about oneself.

Anyway, in a world that is changing so rapidly, we need to limit the amount of information that comes into our minds.

At the same time, if I keep logs of what I was thinking and feeling during this period, it may have some meaning when I look back on the days gone by.

I refrained from cycling during August, but I ordered a chrome molybdenum (Chro-Mo) cyclocross frame, which was delivered at the end of August.

In September, I assembled the "All-Road" bike from the frame and parts by myself.

Despite my busy work schedule in August and September and the fact that I couldn't go out for cycling due to the Corona, I think my motivation didn't drop too much.

Looking at my blog, I feel that I could barely control my sensory sensitivity and depersonalization, although I had ups and downs due to the stress of living in Urayasu and the long train commute.

I wonder if there was an explosion of infection that made me more uptight in some respects.

My wife is not interested in her husband, but sometimes it helps not to be interested.

As a result, we continue to live a lifestyle of generosity toward my hobbies.

Suppose a large package arrives at home and the husband is disassembling his road bike and replacing the frame.

Typically, the wife would ask, "What's wrong with this? or "Did you buy a new one?".

In our case, however, it would not even trigger a conversation between us.

As for my wife, she doesn't like the fact that my husband bought a new frame, but we have more bicycles to store in the house.

Her idea is that if it doesn't increase the number of bikes kept in the house, she doesn't care much about it.

Furthermore, my wife says that she was trying to be generous with my cycling hobby because I was having a hard time living in Urayasu City, where her parents live.

However, there are various types of wives out there.

There are cases where wives refuse to keep their bicycles inside the house, which their husbands enjoy as a hobby, and they are forced to keep their bikes on the balcony.

By the way, the cyclocross bike made of Chro-Mo with 32C wide tires looks like the "Path Hunter" used in Japan in the past.

Since it was built in my imitation of the Path Hunter, it was only natural to have a similar look.

However, I didn't feel a strong desire to ride it down the YAZU roads in Chiba prefecture. Instead, I felt a sense of powerlessness, as if I had finally reached this point.

This feeling of helplessness is not limited to the hobby of cycling but covers a wide range of my thoughts.

In addition, there was a major change in the system at my work, and new circumstances came into play. Although I was concerned about many things, my job was given full consideration.

I was more energetic than I thought I would be for the past two months. My motivation was never wholly depleted, and my body could move when my mind was thinking.

However, so many things happened in just two months or so, and as they settled down like an undertow, I felt the fatigue come on all at once.

I wonder if it has something to do with the fact that the temperature has been dropping with the onset of autumn.

I think my sleep cycle might be out of whack.

I wake up in the morning and don't even have the energy left to get on my spin bike. Also, I feel sleepy and lazy in commuting and at work.

It is natural to feel sleepy after having breakfast or lunch, but sometimes I feel so sleepy that I pass out.

What the heck is this? I'm incredibly sleepy.

Nevertheless, it is not inconsistent to think that the situation has calmed down because I have managed to move forward, and the feeling of weakness due to relief has arrived.

I wondered how I would proceed from this point on.

Do I push myself to keep going? Or do I slow down for a while to reduce my fatigue?

I have to avoid falling into a well of emptiness.

In a couple of weeks, the state of emergency will be lifted, and I should be able to go out cycling again.

It's been a while since I've been out on a real ride, but I'm ready to get back on my custom bike with a high level.

I don't have the image of jumping on my custom bike with a high level of excitement.

I'm not sure how I will spend New Year's Eve, as I can easily imagine the sixth wave of infection coming before the winter.

Okay, I've decided.

I decided to accept the powerlessness without denying it until the end of September and think about what would happen when I resumed cycling. If I'm weak, I can regain my strength.

I'm sure I'll continue to dawdle and ponder until then, but it's not good to keep living endlessly without setting a point to change my mind.